Guilt ridden. Yup that is how I have been feeling this week. I look at Ava and can not believe how fast she is growing. She'll be 9 months in 11 days and I feel like I missed them all. Obviously, I have not and I have pictures (many) to prove it. BUT, I can not seem to convince myself that I'm not missing out - because I am. I can remember sitting in the den watching David for hours on end and enjoying every 'new' thing he did or place he went. With Ava, I feel that I have not seen everything 'new' and that I miss a lot of her. My schedule was more flexible when I returned to work after David was born which entitled me to be with him more. I have not had that with Ava. When I do get time with Ava, David is there and requires attention too. I am worried that I do not divide my attention between them well. I do not want one of them to regret the other because of the time I spend or do not spend with each of them. I always knew being a working Mom would be rough. I lived through it with David and thought I came out unscathed. I was wrong. Being a working Mom with more than 1 child is ROUGH and I am not unscathed. I am bruised, battered and my heart is aching. It is up to me to change the way I feel. I just wish I knew a better way.
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