I feel lost. Aside from David, I do not feel that my life is going where I want it. I do know that I am in control of that - but I do feel there are circumstances pushing me one way or another. For example, I would love to be an elementary school teacher, but I do not have a college degree. To get a degree, I would need to go to college. To go to college I need time and money - I have neither. So, in that case I know what I want, but I do not have the means to get it. There are at least 2 other situations like that going on with me at this moment and it is frustrating. Very frustrating. Sometimes I think about moving far away and starting over or selling the house and living modestly so I can do what I want. Maybe part of this feeling is about always taking care of others and worrying least about myself. I think I will reorganize my people priority list: 1. David 2. Me. It might look selfish, but to keep my sanity, that is the way it needs to be. I have learned the hard way that no one is taking care of me and I need to do it. I have a lot of responsibilities and I will do my best to keep them up, but if they do not affect me or David, they will have to wait. I know life is not fair, but I have been pulling more than my weight for a long time, and I don't want to do it anymore.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
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3 comments:
Dear Cara,
After reading this post, I can feel your frustration and even detect some desperation. I want you to know I will be praying for you as you deliberate the plans for your future. I have experienced similar times in my life and can say that prayer brought me through. Not even my own prayers at times, but those of friends that cared as well as loved ones.
I have a friend who is a single mother of two. After working for years without a college degree, she made plans for her future and put them into action. She began taking college courses via the internet. She is now about a year away from earning her degree. You may want to look into that possibility. What could you lose?
I would be happy to give you her email address if you are interested.
The following is a verse from the Bible that encourages me and helps me to trust in God for my life -
"For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
I know that all of this has been brewing for quite some time. I can hear it in your voice when I talk to you. I wish there was something I could do to help. Just remember that you have all of the love & support you want from me, Mommy, Daddy, all of our cousins & Aunts & Uncles etc... I hope something changes for the better.
Cara,
I'm sorry that you have to shoulder such a big burden, I wish I had some magical words of wisdom. I can only say that sometimes the best things emerge from the most difficult of circumstances. You are in my prayers today!
Laney
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